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Posts Tagged ‘Motivation’

Today’s entry for #ThingsILike is Impostor Syndrome. Let me be clear, I don’t enjoy feeling like a fraud. What I do like is that I’m not alone when I do. My advisor introduced me to the term in grad school and gave me a gift: he told me that practically everyone at our prestigious and accomplished institution had it. It just wasn’t something people talked about.

Ok, maybe what I really like is the fact that the today’s connectivity means I don’t feel like the only one, be it re: impostor syndrome or sci-fi fandom, POC or what have you. Still, today is as good a time for a pep talk as any. Let’s get to it:)

A lot of people feel like frauds at some point in their lives. The topic came up for me this week because Mary Robinette Kowal has a good piece about it on her site. (If her gaming analogy doesn’t work for you feel free to come up with your own.)

Have you ever felt like a fake, attributed your accomplishments to luck or some external reason, or downplayed your success even though on paper you might look pretty darn impressive? If you’re asking yourself “Who hasn’t?” well, you know about impostor syndrome.

(Quick, here’s a pretty picture to keep your spirits up. That’s you, taking in the view on your way to the top. It only looks like someone else’s behind:)

Impostor syndrome is so common that CalTech has a page on it for its students, and everyone from Forbes to Geek Feminism Wiki to the American Psychological Association wants to help people work through it. (And that’s just from the first Google search page:)

I like Mary’s take on impostor syndrome as a way to tell that you are making progress, working hard, and facing down problems that feel too big to handle. (The key here is “feel.” Feels are fine and all but emotion is interpretation, and not necessarily fact.)

Impostor Syndrome means that you are winning.

I think that’s great.

Speaking of progress and how to make more of it, there’s a great TED talk with relevance here. Rather than seeing challenges as a binary yes or no, can I or can’t I? Carol Dweck argues that it helps to think about targets as yes or not yet. That “yet” is the crucial modifier. The brain is built to learn, you just have to chill out, keep going and give yourself a chance.

Do that, and not yet can become yesterday’s accomplishment. Now I’m off to take my own advice:)

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Hey, we’ve got freezing rain today, that’s super fun. We also have glitter, the Newfoundland and Labrador term for “freezing rain that accretes as ice on branches and wires.” It’s chilly and wet and grey, reminding me a lot of Boston, actually. My east-facing windows have glazed over and the cats are curled up by the fire. I’m wishing for a cup of hot chocolate and a good book, but work must win out. For now.

This weather is terrible for driving (or walking, or power grids) but it has given me a faux Rothko, painted by nature:)

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David Bowie 1947–2016

Bowie was a great artist and an inspiration to so many, including those of us in the science and science fiction communities. A lot will be written about him in the next while so I’ll just leave you with one small sign of his influence, on and off the planet.

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Hello, hello, greetings and salutations from 2016! I’m back home and working but I’ll admit that I’m not quite ready for the new year. I know it’s usual to plan these sorts of things before the calendar turns, but I didn’t, so I’m planning now.

Also, note to self re: Holiday Recovery… pencil in time for this next year because it’s going to happen whether you like it or not;)

It’s a new year but the same old challenges, what to do do and how to do it. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not big on resolutions. I do, however, like to take the opportunity to step back a little and think about goals and targets.

I did a lot last year but no one ever finishes every single thing on their list unless they’re aiming too low. Fall also tends to be a bit odd for me, writing and otherwise. Most of my family and holiday-related traveling is compressed into a few short months, plus NaNoWriMo in November hijacks time I’d normally spend on other plans. Then December rolls around and it’s all NaNo recovery, long car rides and Christmas shopping. Hard to get much writing done, and while I’m ok with that it does leave me in a peculiar spot come January.

Let’s see… Eggnog recovery, check. Sleep deprivation recovery, check. Catch up on missed episodes of favorite shows, check. Despair of ever managing to finish anything ever again, then get over it and move on? Check and check.

So here I am, another January with the whole year spread out in front of me like a delicious holiday smorgasbord. What to do next?

First priority: put aside the previous year’s opportunities missed and goals not quite managed, and opt not to worry about the coming year. Then ask myself what I really want to do. Next, and this is the hardest part, listen to the answer.

Onward!

 

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Am I doing NaNoWriMo this year? Yes. Am I doing it the way I have for the past several seasons? I am not. Here’s why I think that we should all feel ok about making NaNo into whatever works for us.

Reason One: Because why not? This whole endeavor is borderline batty anyway (in a good way!), so if you aren’t doing it for yourself, why do it at all?

Reason Two: NaNoWrMo is a tremendous opportunity to start something, and to finish something. That does not mean that we all do those things the same way or that we are all at the same stage in our particular journey.

For example, I have managed to hit my word count target every year. Yay. So I know I don’t have a problem with word production at the most basic level. Given that, it strikes me as sensible to ask how I can use this time to address some of the other issues popping up along the way.

So that’s what I’m doing this year. I’m using the month of November to focus on what is giving me trouble. Word count just doesn’t happen to be one of those issues, so I’m not focused on it right now.

I’ve made a deal with my creative side: write a decent amount a decent number of days, get back into the habit of constant production, and let me know what you need to keep the awesome ideas coming. Seriously, chocolate cake, sunset-colored drinks with umbrellas, giant cups of tea lattes from the cafe around the corner, a detailed schematic of the Death Star, you name it.

And if I need to take a day to brainstorm and that day only happens to net me a thousand words? I’m ok with that. Heck, I’m more than ok, I’m pleased as punch, because it means I’m working on the solution, not just throwing more words at the problem.

Now, I’m hardly the first person to say these things. Check out the NaNo author pep talks or any of the multitude of related discussions and you’re likely to find bits on writing in ways that work for you.

Got news for you: You don’t have to do it that way. Anything that gets words on the page is the Right Thing to Do. — Diana Gabaldon

This is the first year I’ve given myself full-on permission to do it the way that works for me. I’ve got to tell you, it feels great.

However you decide to work this month, happy noveling!

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I appear to be in a fallow period. Scary as that might sound, it’s probably a good thing even though it means I haven’t written much in the past couple of weeks. There’s nothing wrong with taking a bit of a break, so long as it doesn’t become a habit.

Breaks can be useful because you can’t produce if you don’t take in. It’s good to refill the well, give your eyes a break, take a deep breath and head out into the woods. And it’s good because hey, it’s the end of October and NaNoWriMo is right around the corner!

I haven’t decided what I’m going to work on this NaNo but I will do… something. And however that project comes together, it will require focus, and stamina, and excitement.

So I’m going to take these last couple of days to rest up and make ready. Stock up on snacks and tea and various forms of adult beverage. Then I will write.

Here’s hoping you are rested and ready too, for whatever projects you are planning. What’s that, you could use a little seasonal inspiration? No problem, here’s my father in a super-cool White Rabbit bunny* suit on some long-lost Halloween. Because awesome:)

BunnySuit

* My father would like it to be clear that he in no way neglected the Lewis Carroll portion of my education;)

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Phew! I finished up a big project today and sent it off, hooray, and now I’d really like to get back to writing. Fun writing, instinctive writing, stories that make me laugh (and sometimes cry) as I write. Time to push those annoying shoulds into the background for a bit and do what feels right.

Like beautiful fall days and star-struck nights, new challenges and, of course, cake:)

* I planned to embed a photo from Yellowstone here but Instagram links aren’t working for me right now, and my brain is too pre-lunch post-project squishy to fix it. I’ll work on it later, probably just a bad motivator, but in the meantime… Want to see something amazing? Click here🙂
… insert muzak …
** Oh goodie, broken Instagram is all better now. Enjoy!

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Ok, so I guess I wasn’t completely 100% back. I’m better now, mostly. I still have an annoying little cough and the feeling that I could use three solid days of sleep, but mostly better.

Writing is slow. Lulls like this happen, I just have to remember that they fade. They can also be a useful, if tedious, way to refill the well, restock the larder, choose your preferred metaphor.

I made what I believe is my very first cheesecake (Grand Marnier with strawberry puree, delicious). I went for a walk in the countryside with Mr. Man. We had friends over and I was able to carry on whole conversations without pulmonary complications. And drink wine! Speaking of mood-altering substances, I had caffeine for the first time in a month (o blessed nectar of the gods). Cared for the lawn, wrote my city councillor (that’s how they spell it up here), and hit the library; all normal life stuff, and it was good.

I also started thinking about new projects. I checked out recipes for code and food, researched the microbiome, design techniques, medicinal plants, editing, and cosplay armor. It’s great to be pushing ahead.

So, illness sucks, but coming out the other side can be very motivating. Here’s to productivity, and creativity, and to turning the crazy dreams in one’s head into reality.

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Today’s trip in the WayBackMachine takes us to the lovely and verdant paths of New Zealand’s North Island…

July 29
Saturday
Rotorua-Mt. Maunganui

New Zealand winters are gray and damp from what I can tell, but change to bright sun in a surprisingly short time. The steam from the sulfurous ground vents here in Rotorua blends with the misty air and settles in a chill layer on my skin.

NZ

We checked out of the Sheraton early and cruised the main street in town looking for breakfast. The perfect spot turned out to be the Nomad Café, run with sloppy panache by a couple of middle-aged traveler types with style. The food was cheap, plentiful and very good, and came with a side of email thanks to the array of computers in the back. While we ate breakfast and planned the day our laundry was being done in a wash and fold storefront next door. The perfect arrangement.

Our next stop was the Maori village. As we pulled up a tour was just leaving, so we rushed over in time to hear the guide describe what it’s like to live in a village where the ground is hot enough to bake potatoes. I had a great time being deliciously scared by the steam vents, the boiling pools of crystalline blue water, and the pit of volcanic mud bubbling viscously away.

The pools are different temperatures depending on the source of the water, and can change size and temperature based on geologic shifts but are generally stable. The Maori use the hot water for bathing, cooking, and heating. After the tour we shopped a bit, didn’t eat corn boiled in the pools out of respect for Maureen’s delicate sensibilities, and headed over to the meeting house for a traditional dance demonstration.

The meeting house itself was an unremarkable concrete block distinguished only by its entryway. Carved wooden beams framed the roof’s eaves, window, door, and supported the roof’s center. These beams symbolize Maori ancestors’ arms, eye, mouth and heart protecting the village. While potentially hokey at times, the song and dance performance was compelling.

Men, women, and several children in training lined up three rows deep at the front of the meeting house wearing traditional dress. The grass skirts did not hide the dark tattoos or obstruct the whirling pompom balls the women swung like bolos. The men’s deep, often booming chants supported the women’s melodic harmonies. A Polynesian-style guitar played backup. It sounded a lot like a very pissed-off Hawaiian band, actually. Fun.

We bummed around town for a bit after leaving the village, picked up the laundry, stopped into the Old Bath House where visitors were treated to hot water treatments, and went to a park with steam rising from vents near the swing set. The sulfur smell oozed from the steam vents and flowed through town, never entirely disappearing. The top news story in my paper this morning was about an aging actress found dead in her ground-floor room at the Sulfur City Motel. Apparent cause of death: suffocating levels of sulfurous fumes in her room.

The plan for the day was to sightsee, driving north to the coast until we felt like stopping. The scenery on the road out of Rotorua was beautiful green forest around a lakeside. Dad, ever alert, swerved to look at a flock of black swans and again for a fabulous group of peacocks. That last brightened up the creatively named “Hell’s Gate,” a geologic hot spot where we pulled over and walked among bubbling evidence of the fire below.

For a few dollars we were allowed to risk our lives on paths winding through steam vents, hot pools, boiling mud, and sulfurous fumes. All walkways had been reinforced against collapse using lumber and stone, which made me feel a little better about the “Don’t leave the path” and “You’re risking your life – We’re not kidding!” signs everywhere. My brother would have loved it.

The rest of the drive was pleasant and involved a lot of careening up and down and around to the coast. Evidence of logging was everywhere for a while and there were large swaths of land devoid even of sheep. Farm animals were more common near the coast and included fun herds of ostrich and some unidentifiable herd animals that reminded me of deer.

Maureen found a likely stopping place in the guidebook and we headed up Route 2 to the Bay of Plenty. Mt. Maunganui is a beach town, about three blocks wide running the length of the beach. As luck would have it we came to the water just at sunset. Everyone else hopped out to look at the waves while I stayed in the car to nurse my stomach, grateful for a break from the winding road.

Next thing I knew they’d all disappeared. I sat in the car getting colder, peering out into the dimming light wondering if we’d stumbled into a town of mass murderers. Just as my paranoia was reaching the point when I’d have to jump out of the car and be captured myself they came back, all smiles.

It seems we’d had the good fortune to stop right between two beachfront hotels. One was a collection of luxury condos let out to lucky souls like ourselves. In no time I was inside the top floor of the Belle Mar, running between the three bedrooms, huge living room, spa, two bathrooms, and a kitchen with Italian fixtures.

The place was wonderful, had everything you’d want in a luxury apartment, and was so fabulous that we decided to stay for our last two nights in New Zealand. The apartment even had a washer that was also a dryer, full sets of cutlery and dishware, and a big broad balcony running the length of the building. Wide windows looked out on both the mountain crowning our little peninsula and the beach with its necklace of islands. All this for NZ$175, or around $85 a night. What a find!

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We’re in my own personal WayBackMachine again (a.k.a. my travel journal), hiking the red-tinged wilds of central Australia…

July 23
Sunday
Uluru

What a great day! Yesterday we spent time with the Rock, today we survived the Olgas!

That grocery shopping trip yesterday served us well. For breakfast we all had coffee and tea, along with bananas, apricot bars, and yogurt. We pulled white plastic chairs out onto the concrete apron around the cabin and had time to hang out in the sun, enjoying each others’ company. After an hour or so of sun-dappled relaxation we decided a morning hike through the Olga Mountains was a perfect Sunday activity. (Eek, a mouse in the room! Must be part of our high-priced entertainment package.)

The Olgas are the other geologic protuberance on the plain, but aren’t as catchily named as the Rock. Our housekeeper popped her head around the corner at the exact moment we were deciding whether to go and put in a plug for the Valley of the Winds. This is one of the walks through the Olgas and we decided we’d be fools not to check out the path this woman called “indescribable.”

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

For the next five hours we hiked, scrambled, birded and panted through a gorgeous trail of red rock and almost voluptuous desert flora. The fauna (broadly speaking) weren’t bad either – I saw lizards and insects and tons of birds. As of this evening I’m the proud sighter of a handful of beautiful blue green black Port Lincoln parrots, a very chatty pallid cuckoo, and tons of delightful little zebra finches with orange beaks and rouged cheeks and striped tails. Outside right now I’m listening to the cries of wild dingoes in the desert.

The Olgas’ scenery was dramatic and varied, with changeable clouds overhead conveniently shielding our skin from the worst of the sun’s rays. Buoyed by the day’s beauty and the presence of three Snickers bars in my pack we opted for the full 7.6 km route.

It was a perfect day hike. The whole circuit took a lot longer than planned but the greenery and birds and interactivity of the place kept my attention. It was 1.6 klicks to the burnt-out tree, another kilometer to the lookout over both sides of the valley pass.

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Winding down out of the lookout valley the trail hugged the base of the main “Olga” and swept through a sheltered but open plain. The next two kilometers led over low hills and down stream beds, past uprooted trees and wildflower fields. Two point four klicks from the car we found a rain-fed water tank and rested in its shade.

The water drew birds to the trees around the tank and dozens of zebra finches braved our presence for a chance to enjoy the wet concrete under the tank’s tap. I watched the finches chatter and flit around the water spout, waiting for us to release a few drops of the precious fluid to replenish their bath.

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Five o’clock found us hot and tired back at the hotel, where we devoured the rest of our groceries. Bryan’s brie and salami were a huge hit with me, and everyone enjoyed the nacho cheese Doritos, leftover pizza, and roasted chicken-flavored chips. All washed down of course with vodka tonics from Bryan’s birthday bottle. A nice little happy hour, complete with sunset.

Back to our favorite restaurant. Between us we had the lamb, veal, lasagna, gnocchi, and of course more salad. I love being in countries where you don’t have to worry about water or fresh vegetables. We came home for a beer with the (one-man) band and closed down the Outback Bar at 10 p.m.

While I’ve been writing it has started and stopped raining. The drops sounded loud on the porch overhang and came down fast, but tapered off quickly. This is a very nice place, despite the price and lack of amenities and nightlife. I’ve always liked the desert, even with snakes and scorpions (and the fact that I like the East Coast smell of worms after rain because it tells me that the earth is alive). The desert is never as empty as it seems, and it’s full of survivors like the yellow flowering shrubs and pink-gray star flowers lining the paths today.

Tomorrow we move on to Sydney and true Australian winter. I’m looking forward to seeing what a city’s like here and to running water in my room. I also think, deep in my touristy heart of hearts, that it’s going to be damn cool to see the Sydney Opera House. There! I said it!

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