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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

To Whom It May Concern,

Enclosed please find an updated version (below) of my recently-submitted action matrix. I am happy to report that it encapsulated a number of actionable tasks, and allowed me to pivot in order to capture value from low-hanging fruit, as well as formulate a plan to circle back for future forward-facing goal-setting opportunities while absorbing a number of critical learnings.

Translation: some stuff was done, some stuff was not done. I might get to it later, but yeah, that’s not happening now. Now it’s time for lunch!

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I want ramen. I don’t have it, but I want it. Photo by Mae Mu on Unsplash

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We’re not fully protected yet; we got our second shots today and need to wait a couple few weeks for full potency. (We were given Moderna because they’re saving all the Pfizer for the younglings. I am 100% down with that.) 

Of course, we’ll still be following all health department guidelines. Plus, yeah, stupid variants are out there throwing a stupid wrench into things. 

That said, this kind of progress feels oh so good. While at the vaccination center, it was really quite touching to see my fellow Canadians doing their part, for themselves, their families, and their community. Here’s to keeping us all safe!

(I still don’t want to clean, though! 🙂

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The key word here is “temporarily” … Photo by Edwin Hooper on Unsplash

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Good to Know

Recent chat transcript with my father (note the time stamps):

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Photo by Frank Busch on Unsplash

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So I’ve spent most of today neck deep in Excel, working out some data processing issues and building an archive. My inner librarian was happy:)

That said, my brain is just about frazzled. So much code! This is about my level of humor/maturity at the moment:

xkcd.com

He he.

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After almost a week and an estimated $60 billion in lost trade, the Ever Given has finally been freed from its unplanned docking site in the Suez Canal. What’s next for this disruptive container ship? Imagine it anywhere in the world with this nifty new map adaptation.*

Ever Given Ever Ywhere

Why should the Suez Canal have all the fun?


Oh look, the boat is trying to run the Rideau locks at Parliament Hill!

nope nope nope

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My only regret is that I can’t sail this ship through the canals on Mars;)

A Short History of Martian Canals and Mars Fever

Historical map of planet mars from Giovanni Schiaparelli, 1888
Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

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* The site’s very busy as of this posting, so if at first you don’t succeed, try for 6 days, 3 hours and 38 minutes;)

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Are you or someone you know currently in possession of superpowers? Are you ready to break out of the box your secret identity has put you in, and fly (or leap, or teleport) free from traditional norms and expectations? Then it is your lucky day!

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Superhero shop sign
Photo by Scott Evans on Unsplash

The Paranormal Challenge is offering a cool quarter of a million dollars US for proof of powers. Supes from all corners of the globe, or universe, are welcome! And the field remains wide open.

Only a handful of the 100 to 150 applicants to the Paranormal Challenge who contact the center each year actually make it to the testing phase…

— Hex Factor: Inside the Group Offering $250,000 for Proof of Superpowers

And that’s not the only such challenge. If you’re ready to come out of the phone booth and face your fans, Wikipedia has a list of current prizes for proof of abilities:

List of prizes for evidence of the paranormal

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Hand holding Spiderman mask.
Photo by Joey Nicotra on Unsplash

Sure, you’ll be outed on a global scale, tasked with defending the world from the forces of evil,* forced to spend your free time cleaning up other people’s messes while being second-guessed by every Tom, Dick, and Trollie on social media, but just think! You’d never have to wait in line again. And I know you’re in this for the good of humanity and all, but the name and likeness rights alone will set up your family for generations to come.

So come on out! The frontline workers, doctors, nurses, police, and other first responders could use a break.** And my mom makes great capes!

Boy wearing bat cape.
My mother made me and my brother amazing satin bat capes for Halloween one year. I know, Batman doesn’t actually have superpowers. Don’t tell 8-year old me that, though.
Photo by Joey Nicotra on Unsplash

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* I mean, you could be evil, I suppose, but that’s only cool in stories. In real life, the trail of broken lives and civilizations has to wear on you after a while. And the insurance premiums! Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything.

Gilded woman of wonder.
Photo by ActionVance on Unsplash

** Also and P.S., if you do have actual super powers, I’m sure I’m not the only one wondering where the heck you’ve been this past year!

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Panda Party!

Today could use a little pick-me-up, so I give you…
Pandas in the snow!

And now I’m smiling 🙂

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This morning, I realized that when I’m noodling over a topic and want to know more, I tend to think in Google searches:

long hair 

long hair styles

easy long hair styles 

no fuss long hair styles

what to do with all this hair

so much hair!

covid hair

oy

Just me?

Original photo by T. Q. on Unsplash

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Maximum Dragon

Mr Man needed some distancing and max occupancy signs, so I had a little fun. Here are a few examples:

Moose, yes, dragon, yes, cat, heck yes, but two dinosaurs in one lab? What was I thinking?

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One Bern

Mondays and Tuesdays are my busiest work days, so I asked Bernie to stop by and keep you all company.

Yes, #Berniesmittens is a thing right now and why not, I think we could all use some fun. (I believe I’ll call it a Bern, or one unit of unself-conscious fun.) Want to make your own fun with Bernie? The image is here.

If you want your very own version of the mittens, I have semi-sad news. The teacher who made those mittens can’t keep up with the thousands of requests that came her way after the inauguration. Interested in making your own? Check out this guide from The Guardian:

How to make Bernie Sanders’ inauguration mittens

Or do what most of us are doing when we can, and stay inside:)

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