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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Ever have one of those days where it seems like everything goes a little wonky? I think of it as The Balance.

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Many item drops in video games are randomized but still seem to follow a pattern. It’s as if “randomness” is spread over a thousand rolls of the dice, and has to balance out in the end. So if you’ve gone days without getting a decent drop, suddenly you get three great items. Or if things have been going your way, you get a sudden run of bad luck.*

I find this happens in real life too. Some days everything goes perfectly, but other days?

Not so much.

Some days, if there’s a cord to trip over, I trip. If there’s a remote to drop, it’s dropped. And if the cat decides to get into the closet and eat dry cleaning bags, you can be sure that any effort to stop said behavior will result in a catastrophe of much greater proportions.

Like what, you might ask? Like thwacking one’s head against the treadmill desk holding your breakfast smoothie and having it all come tumbling down.

Everywhere. On everything. And then spending the next two hours cleaning it up.**

That was no fun but it’s actually kind of nice to have such things concentrated into one day. At least you know it’s coming and can prepare accordingly.

  • Will that knife balanced at the edge of the counter fall? Yep.
  • Wonder if you can carry that mug of tea and three books on your laptop and make it downstairs without incident? Nope.
  • Think you might have forgotten to close the garage door? Definitely!

The Balance. It’s not real, but it might be true;)

(As an added bonus, now I know how to disassemble my treadmill:)

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* I know this isn’t how randomness and statistics work, I’m just saying that some days, that’s how it feels.

** Someone needs to investigate the usefulness of chia seeds’ gel coating for adhesive. So sticky!

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I realized that I have been trying to write a serious version of what is clearly a goofy, rollicking space pirate adventure. Obviously!

That led me to recall the following wisdom from a modern-day sage (who should know):

Figure out who you are. Then do it on purpose.
― Dolly Parton

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Have been unavoidably detained by the world. Expect us when you see us.
― Neil Gaiman, Stardust

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So there I was, submitting a story to Daily Science Fiction, when I stumbled upon “Shark’s Teeth” by T.A. Pratt. Now, I wasn’t planning to post this or any other DSF story because I didn’t want anyone (hello DSF editors!) to think I was sucking up, but hey, it’s a fun story. It also put me onto Pratt’s Marla Mason series, and I love finding new worlds to explore.

Marla Mason, sorcerer in exile, looked over the railing of the balcony, down at the lavish resort hotel’s pool with its swim-up bar and tanned, happy people lounging on chairs, and thought, I can’t take another day of this.

“I can’t take another day of this,” she said aloud…

Time to stock up on lembas a.k.a. chocolate chip cookies (my exploring food of choice, feel free to substitute as necessary!) and find a copy of Marla’s introductory novel, the 2007 Blood Engines🙂

Enjoy!

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My father and his partner have been off on a delightful trip to Florida and other parts South, and I just received this postcard (bright red circles added for annoyed emphasis):

Srsly

 

This would be amusing if my front yard did not currently look like this:

Spring

Welcome to Spring, Canadian style. I’ll admit, the card’s not funny, it’s hilarious. Because it’s so true!

Now, where’s my shovel?

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“Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can’t be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.”
― Jasper Fforde

I love Jasper Fforde‘s work, and some days a good book filled with witty humor and amusing characters are exactly what one needs to perk up. But if the week’s been rough and a book (or bacon or a bath or tea) don’t work, here’s advice from someone who should know, Dr. Mike Evans.

Dr. Evans is a physician and scientist who also puts together terrific animated explainers on health topics for the rest of us. The one I’ll bring to your attention today, dear readers, is perhaps perfect for a Wednesday:

 

Now, my week is going ok. Or at least not bad. I’m getting things done (although not as much as I’d like) and I’m thinking hard about ongoing projects (why are they still “ongoing”? get to it, Johnson!) and charting out goals and cooking up ideas and recipes. (In fact, I’m so embroiled that I had a hard time settling on one topic to write about. Maybe tomorrow you’ll get that essay on The Great British Baking Show or the migratory mating habits of the Feathered Frangolian Flowers of Planet P;)

Still. Sometimes you just have a bad week. For those of us who spend a lot of time working in our heads, in particular, a little external perspective can come in handy.

Once you’re back on track, Dr. Evans also has another great video useful even in weeks where things are going swimmingly:

 

Because health reasons!

And if none of that works, well, there’s always cake:)

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For all those in or of the United States, Happy Thanksgiving:)

For the first time I can remember I’m not back at my familial homestead partaking in traditional Thanksgiving Day festivities. The decision not to travel makes sense but it’s still a little weird, not least because I’m in a country where they celebrated the holiday last month (now that’s weird;).

So I’m a little sad with the missing of the family (not too sad, though, as I’ll see them in a few weeks) but feeling thankful for all the wonderful people in my life. I hope you are too.

Let me leave you with a link to John Scalzi’s science fictional Thanksgiving Day grace, which he wrote as a handy guide for those who may be called on to lead their tables in thanks. This timeless classic includes such gems as:

We also thank you for once again not allowing our technology to gain sentience, to launch our own missiles at us, to send a robot back in time to kill the mother of the human resistance, to enslave us all, and finally to use our bodies as batteries. That doesn’t even make sense from an energy-management point of view, Lord, and you’d think the robots would know that. But in your wisdom, you haven’t made it an issue yet, so thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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