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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

So I’ve spent most of today neck deep in Excel, working out some data processing issues and building an archive. My inner librarian was happy:)

That said, my brain is just about frazzled. So much code! This is about my level of humor/maturity at the moment:

xkcd.com

He he.

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After almost a week and an estimated $60 billion in lost trade, the Ever Given has finally been freed from its unplanned docking site in the Suez Canal. What’s next for this disruptive container ship? Imagine it anywhere in the world with this nifty new map adaptation.*

Ever Given Ever Ywhere

Why should the Suez Canal have all the fun?


Oh look, the boat is trying to run the Rideau locks at Parliament Hill!

nope nope nope

* * *

My only regret is that I can’t sail this ship through the canals on Mars;)

A Short History of Martian Canals and Mars Fever

Historical map of planet mars from Giovanni Schiaparelli, 1888
Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

* * *

* The site’s very busy as of this posting, so if at first you don’t succeed, try for 6 days, 3 hours and 38 minutes;)

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Are you or someone you know currently in possession of superpowers? Are you ready to break out of the box your secret identity has put you in, and fly (or leap, or teleport) free from traditional norms and expectations? Then it is your lucky day!

* * *

Superhero shop sign
Photo by Scott Evans on Unsplash

The Paranormal Challenge is offering a cool quarter of a million dollars US for proof of powers. Supes from all corners of the globe, or universe, are welcome! And the field remains wide open.

Only a handful of the 100 to 150 applicants to the Paranormal Challenge who contact the center each year actually make it to the testing phase…

— Hex Factor: Inside the Group Offering $250,000 for Proof of Superpowers

And that’s not the only such challenge. If you’re ready to come out of the phone booth and face your fans, Wikipedia has a list of current prizes for proof of abilities:

List of prizes for evidence of the paranormal

* * *

Hand holding Spiderman mask.
Photo by Joey Nicotra on Unsplash

Sure, you’ll be outed on a global scale, tasked with defending the world from the forces of evil,* forced to spend your free time cleaning up other people’s messes while being second-guessed by every Tom, Dick, and Trollie on social media, but just think! You’d never have to wait in line again. And I know you’re in this for the good of humanity and all, but the name and likeness rights alone will set up your family for generations to come.

So come on out! The frontline workers, doctors, nurses, police, and other first responders could use a break.** And my mom makes great capes!

Boy wearing bat cape.
My mother made me and my brother amazing satin bat capes for Halloween one year. I know, Batman doesn’t actually have superpowers. Don’t tell 8-year old me that, though.
Photo by Joey Nicotra on Unsplash

* * *

* I mean, you could be evil, I suppose, but that’s only cool in stories. In real life, the trail of broken lives and civilizations has to wear on you after a while. And the insurance premiums! Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything.

Gilded woman of wonder.
Photo by ActionVance on Unsplash

** Also and P.S., if you do have actual super powers, I’m sure I’m not the only one wondering where the heck you’ve been this past year!

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Panda Party!

Today could use a little pick-me-up, so I give you…
Pandas in the snow!

And now I’m smiling 🙂

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This morning, I realized that when I’m noodling over a topic and want to know more, I tend to think in Google searches:

long hair 

long hair styles

easy long hair styles 

no fuss long hair styles

what to do with all this hair

so much hair!

covid hair

oy

Just me?

Original photo by T. Q. on Unsplash

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Maximum Dragon

Mr Man needed some distancing and max occupancy signs, so I had a little fun. Here are a few examples:

Moose, yes, dragon, yes, cat, heck yes, but two dinosaurs in one lab? What was I thinking?

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One Bern

Mondays and Tuesdays are my busiest work days, so I asked Bernie to stop by and keep you all company.

Yes, #Berniesmittens is a thing right now and why not, I think we could all use some fun. (I believe I’ll call it a Bern, or one unit of unself-conscious fun.) Want to make your own fun with Bernie? The image is here.

If you want your very own version of the mittens, I have semi-sad news. The teacher who made those mittens can’t keep up with the thousands of requests that came her way after the inauguration. Interested in making your own? Check out this guide from The Guardian:

How to make Bernie Sanders’ inauguration mittens

Or do what most of us are doing when we can, and stay inside:)

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Cuddly Cozy Pew Pew!

Today seems like a cat sort of a day. We finally got a quality snowfall this weekend and have spent a decent amount of time inside by the fire. The cat approves. I’d include a picture if I could find her, but here’s a comic from xkcd for you instead.

Better hide the laser pointer;)

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I woke this morning with a story start in my head, and it’s using up most of my mental bandwidth at the moment. So instead of something new, here’s something old, from a trip journal I took to Latin America in 2000. I’m laughing at the memory now.

April 26
Wednesday
San Jose

I’m late writing again today because we got up at 6:30 a.m. for a rainforest canopy tour and just got back. It was a lot of fun. I was a little worried that I’d need strength, you know like hand-over-hand on a wire, but then the guides started talking about how they’d had an 80-year-old man on tour a while back who was fine. It was a lot of fun (again!).

We drove north 45 minutes or so into the woods, a bit of protected land that’s part of a larger park containing 6% of Costa Rica’s land. We were the only ones on the tour and had a total of four guides. We parked at the “Canopy Adventures” headquarters and were outfitted with harnesses, caribiners (climbing rings), and gloves. We got back in the car with our gear and drove another kilometer or two up a very rocky and steep road. It wound up into the mountains, through a farm and past pastures. After parking at a little turnabout in the trees we proceeded on foot.

The hike was only 20 minutes or so but through the forest and steep. In some parts we walked along a road paved 60 years ago by farmers who needed to get their milk to market despite heavy winter rains. The rocks they used were hauled from a far-off river bed, then set carefully enough that the road is still useable today. The rest of the walk was over a path paved by tree rings, given added traction with metal mesh embedded into their tops. Along the way our guide pointed out different flowers and plants native to the rainforest. I remember the bromeliads (a relative of the pineapple that grows on trees and air), plants to eat if you get lost in the mountains, and plants used to weave coffee-gathering baskets.

Suddenly we were at the base of Platform 1 and the real start of our adventure. Our first task was to climb a wooden ladder up into a tropical oak tree, then out onto the first platform high up in the tree. Each of us carried our gloves and pulley attached to the climbing harness we’d been wearing since HQ. At this point, we were hooked onto a cable with one caribiner, then told what how to move along the wire and land safely. I felt a little like a side of beef, hanging from the wire by my belt and hoping my tippie-toes were enough to keep me on the platform.

We were to travel from one platform to the next along these wires through the trees. At each platform a guide would stand facing us as we held the cable running between platforms. Pulling the cable down in a modified pull-up, the guide held the pulley on top of the cable while connecting our second caribiner to it, just below the cable. Once this clamp was secure the guide unhooked the first caribiner from the cable and clamped it to the pulley, in the opposite direction as the first. Now there was nothing keeping me on the platform but the guide’s hand in front of the pulley. Upon hearing an answering cry of “¡Listo!” from the team at the receiving platform, that hand too was removed. Feet up, head back, one hand on the caribiners and one on the cable behind to brake, and I was off.

There were nine platforms, all fun, with the longest and steepest drop being the best as far as I was concerned. At each I was unhooked from the pulleys, then secured to the tree, which I climbed up or around or through to reach the next jumping-off point. The trees were huge, and seemed to carry the weight of the wooden platforms with ease.

After one or two jumps I noticed that a light touch on the caribiners attached to the pulley would keep me facing forward as I shot through the overgrowth. I also got quite good at braking and had lots of fun zooming at full speed just to the platform’s edge, then stopping right in front of the startled guide. Very fun. They got me back at Platform 9 though. Rather than climbing down from our final jump we rappelled, although the guides controlled the descent. No problema, I thought, I’ve done this before, and I’d be happy to go first. Rope between my legs, hands gripping the locked caribiners, I sat into the harness and eased slowly past the platform’s edge. Humph, I thought, this isn’t too baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!! And almost swallowed my tongue as I was playfully dropped half the distance to the forest floor. The guides thought it was funny as hell, especially when all I could say after that heart-thumping, stomach-inspiring drop was “Jesus Christ!” Total free fall, unexpected, scary, and yes, funny as hell. I was still laughing five minutes later.

* * *

Not me but it gives you the idea; I was too busy to take photos for most of this trip.
Photo by Mam NC on Pexels.com

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Space & Sound

Dear Fellow Science / Sci-Fi / Creative / Authorial / Curious Types,

Yesterday’s Vivaldi link got me thinking about music and sound. Have you ever wondered what you’d sound like on other planets? I know I have, and apparently Popular Science has too. Here’s your answer:

What your voice would sound like on other planets and moons

Barry White’s got nothing on a Martian’s croon.

Here’s a more detailed take on the question from Harvard:

You Asked: If you were able to talk on another planet, how would you sound?

In space, no one would hear you scream.
But make a quick detour down to the surface of Venus, and all bets are off. 

And this piece is more involved, but includes links to more work and audio clips with examples like this one from Discovery:

The sounds of voices and waterfalls on other planets | Engineering | University of Southampton

Sure, there’s that whole no breathable atmosphere issue but! I like the way this helps me think about science in an up-close-and-personal kind of way.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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